Religion

Every time I try to leave something keeps bringing me back

I’m talking about religion. I’ve spent a lot of time saying, I’m not religious, I’m spiritual and at a point that was true for me. I didn’t practice my faith consistently nor going to church and Bible study. Of course I “grew up in the church.” I was on the praise dance team, I even choreographed most dances, I sing in the choir. I was locked in from childhood to I would say my first two years of college. But my eyes started opening to the chaos involved in a church I attended and I lost trust in going to those spaces. 

Two churches I attended to as a child ended up with both Pastors charged for SA crimes. One of them was assaulting their own children. Leading to both parents being arrested and guess where they are now? Walking free 

Fast forward to me having to leave a job due to SA, when talking to a pastor about it in a church I went to since a child, he questioned if I lead the old Muslim man on. 

I answered his questions, took his sympathy money and never looked back. 

I can tell he felt owed him after because following that conversation, he asked if I could dance for a church event. I did

Although I honestly didn’t want to nor did I put that much effort into planning it. I listened to the song daily until the day came where I’d have to dance and got up there and freestyled. I guess no one noticed bc after he asked if I could make it a monthly or bi monthly occurrence. I declined and never went back. 

Now I get it. Give and take is important but this wasn’t the opportunity to take advantage of someone of $200, hell I honestly felt like I worked for it after dancing and performing with the choir twice lol 

There are plenty other things that threw me off but I’m not gonna go down a rabbit hole because at the end of the day, people are just people. And even if I may not take something well I do a good job at assuming the best of intentions. 

Eventually I found a new church home, and I loved it then I met someone who talked to me about African spirituality and I felt confused and back at square one because I wanted to make sure I engaged in the best spiritual practice that respects my heritage. 

So I dug deep into African spirituality and Rastafarians and it was all very interesting. Some things I could relate to, others I couldn’t. So I told myself, man just pick one its the same shit different bowel. Because the thing is, I love them all. Ultimately, for me it’s about principles, values, morals and I love the embodiment of these things

Now will you see me at church every Sunday ? No sir, no ma’am. I personally rather not but I’m not totally against it. I am a decisive person but I will always keep in open mind when it comes to something positive. 

Even writing this reminds me of the only church I have liked and wondering if maybe I should give it a go again…. Hmm maybe. 

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Back to my point. I love them all. I love the aura it gives you. Following religion, religiously, truthfully, increases self trust. 

If this is not what you see, that just means there is room for improvement. 

I heard once someone talk about how the Christian Bible seems so damning and I can see why someone would feel that way. 

But everything is perspective so let’s take a closer look : 

“Submit to God’s royal son, or he will become angry, and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities— for his anger flares up in an instant. But what joy for all who take refuge in him!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭2‬:‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

When you know God is in you, you no longer take this as a threat but know it’s simply as response you have to yourself. Have you ever felt embarrassment, guilt, or shame? It’s because you might have done something that YOUR higher self or genuine consciousness doesn’t accept. That’s your God. When you don’t eat right and you don’t take care of yourself it DESTROYS your mental health, making you irrational. This is the perspective you should take, instead of thinking someone is watching me and judging me and will punish me, think I am punishing myself for not doing what I know to be the better thing to do. 

I‘ll break how I translate this down even further : “Submit to God’s royal son, or he will become angry (Submit to yourself, your will to be the highest healthiest version of yourself, the will that lives inside all of us), and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities (not eating right will end in health failures, not treating people right will end in lose of community and opportunities) for his anger flares up in an instant. But what joy for all who take refuge in him!” (you hurt yourself when you hurt yourself but when you submit to your want to be a better version of yourself, you will see the benefits and find joy). 

In used to struggle with admitting to being religious because of how the Bible has been manipulated to condemn my ancestors. But I couldn’t escape my love and for peace, joy, morality, and structure. And that’s what religion brings me. So, even without practicing with a community, I stayed intrigued by religion. Or what I like to think of as the ART of faith. 

When someone ask, are you religious. I can confidently say yes. 

I practice faith religiously, I pray religiously, and I read the bible (often) {This is not something I do religiously or will force upon myself to do religiously, if it’s meant for me to read more, that will happen, however that is not my current circumstance.} I keep pure and clear intentions even in moments of misunderstandings. I am not perfect but I try and I will forever lean on prayer and faith. 

Because without it, what else is there to lean on? 

I’ll tell you, chaos, confusion, defeat, and deception. I say this because, take a look at the world, that is what they are offering. 

But the world is not my world.

My world is the Art of Faith